People Like Us - Kelly Clarkson

I feel dead.
This song is probably the only thing keeping me alive.

Future

Whence we leave the ground aloft
for far reaching heights
We leave behind a solemn wake
of old, haughty nights

Never let go now
and never let go again
A bird must fly far
lest it begins to rain

Touch and feel
hurt, pain and anger
but don't forget the greatness
that happiness linger

Don't cry, dear child
you'll soon see an explosion
of wonderful memories gone
when you make the Decision

Romance

“Romance”, in the olden days, had a completely different meaning. A romantic poem in the 18th century would never start with “Roses are red, violets are blue”, but rather associated with generic feelings and emotions of oneself. William Wordsworth, a great poet of the time, wrote a poem about remembrance and longing titled “Daffodils”. Indeed, the present-day usage of the word “romantic” has been significantly changed. Yet, it is one of the most widespread terms throughout the globe. Many other languages, such as Chinese and Thai, adopt their own use of the word “romantic” to describe something warm and cozy for a couple to share. However, we all forget the origins of this word, and look for something far beyond our reach.

Sports Day is soon approaching, and with it I harbor, as with the previous years, ill thoughts and emotions relating to the present-day romance. Two years ago, it was the exact same day when I heard the last words ever spoken to me by someone I had adored for a great period of time. The trauma has never stopped, merely receded and popped itself again over different periods of time. It is around this time of year that gets me unusually frightened, lonely and lost in the world. I question the validity of my existence, of my life in Mother Earth’s hands. Still, I never found an answer. To my past self, romance has brought me to a slaughterhouse, tearing apart every single hope and dream for the future. I feel the desolation, and never would it subside.

To my present self, however, romance has been brought back to the Middle Ages. Those experiences has shown me, in vivid and very emotional terms, that my emotions and not my tendencies are the key to a successful romance. I have learnt, so to speak, of how to come out of the shell I had once lived in, grow up in a world where the sky can darken any minute and empathize with others. For once, I feel that I am part of a loved and loving community, and for that I would be eternally grateful.

And yet, the past is holding me back from making any moves.

I had never been one to hide my feelings. It was rudimentary for my expressions to showcase any color my brain and heart exuded. Yet, this time, I’ve been careful to hide everything, for fear of a good friendship gone awry. I want to tell a person whom I fancy the truth, but I am afraid of a repeat of the past, even though I know he is alright with me -- my personality, my nature.

Honestly, I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s like being stuck between a wooden bridge, where the next plank to walk on is not there, while the last plank you’ve walked on has just fallen off.

My friends call these people who I adore my “targets”. I am afraid of doing something that would make me live up to such a trashy judgement.

Tell this poor delusional boy what to do.